Manic, dammit.

uhh I might be kind of manic right now. Can't sleep, can't stop working, can't stop getting back in touch w people, sending emails etc... I'm mAking myself take breaks by watching a DVD or reading a book for chunks of time when i start whirling away, but I keep finding myself moving back towards work-oriented reading. International taxation, legal matters, bla bla bla. I want to rest my brain...

And now I'm here writing, wondering if I'm gonna find myself going a bit overboard or not. This may in fact be my first hypomanic episode since I've stopped taking meds. I suppose it's been quite a while, which might be indicative that the meds tipped me up out of depression directly into hypo/mania more often than it needed to. Or it could just be that my cycle is changing. Or.. whatever.. it doesn't really matter, as long as I can stablize this.

I've avoided stimulants over the last couple of wks as much as possible. Kind of felt that they wouldn't be good for me in this state (though yes, yes, they're not good for me anyway). I felt kind of restless, uneasy, unstable.. and now I do feel a bit hyped up as if I'd hug strangers in the street but feel really weird about it afterwards. Dammit. And I thought -- or hoped -- that maybe this bipolar stuff just maybe, maybe, was meds-induced. Turns out my old doc had made a correct prognosis after all. I guess I knew that was the case, but had a few months to hope otherwise.

My thoughts are spewing out on paper in splatters and globs.

Chill, M., chiiilll... relax... sleep...

Party-tipping into Hypomania? (such relief! but ok, I should be careful)

Partied like there was no tomorrow last night. In the late afternoon, the little halloween kiddies were parading by saying "trick-or-treat!" as politely as they could. Gave out candies, relived my childhood for a couple of hours, then later ended up going out for some drinks with mates. There was a big bar relaunch/opening my friend invited us to, and it turned out another friend was DJ-ing at a Halloween party at another club. Felt quite VIP making the rounds! The night went on much longer than I had expected it to (was honestly planning to be home by 10pm), leading on to karaoke, then a sheesha bar, then another friend's bar/club... Staying out so late probably wasn't the healthiest thing to do, but I did have a good time. Met lots of new people, made some business connections and hung out with old friends too, bringing some nostalgia into the mix.

This morning (yes I was out late) was the first time in a long time that I fell asleep without the help of any pills. So my question to myself right now is- am I slightly manic right now, and should I be watchful of that? I could sleep, but perhaps I was just exhausted from the excessive partying. I do need some more sleep tonight and am looking forward to that, but I've been feeling surprisingly pleasant today despite the large amount of alcohol I consumed throughout the course of the night. A little dehydrated, but that is the extent of my hangover. I was out the night before as well with old bosses, clients and workmates, and was also out on Saturday for two big Halloween parties...

Either I have so enjoyed spending time with my friends that I'm just feeling healthier and better, or I could be teetering into Hypomanic Zone. I suppose I should be wary of that. I am so sO glad not to be feeling like a turd on a stick anymore, but I could easily crash and burn if I don't take it easy so--- Yes, I should be watchful is the answer to my own question. Regardless of whether I'm a bit manic or not. But still. Thank goodness I don't feel like a Munch painting today... Was very much in need of a break.