Thursday, January 10, 2013

Pregnancy and Bipolar Depression - sleep

Well that was quick.
I'm pregnant!

And as delightfully happy as I am, I've also already been crying and having trouble sleeping and struggling to hold onto that thread unraveling that keeps the world in place and me within it.

Off my meds officially now except for a prescription of herbs and vitamins and 3 cups of milk a day. My husband will be visiting the doctor with me tomorrow as the doc wants to talk with him too.

I finally cried myself to sleep today for an evening nap, which was a pleasure upon waking, floating in that joyous sleepy feeling I missed so much when I couldn't sleep these last days. The simplicity of feeling sleepy..  just feels so good I almost want to stay in that state and drift in and out of sleep for ages.

I think I'll have better dreams today along with better sleep.
Ah the joys of these simple things.
Shouldn't forget how good this feels, it almost feels normal!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Pre-pregnancy and Bipolar

I recently got married. Prior to the wedding, due to a lapse likely due to family and work pressures I started back on medication after 4 or 5 years off.  Now I am back on meds after catching myself on a downward spiral and am very very happily married and working 6-8 hours a day at my job instead of 12-18+ with the support of all around me.

 The doctor had put me on Lexapro for anxiety, Abilify for bipolar, Klonopin to help me sleep through the night, another hormonal sleep regulation med (similar to melatonin but more focused and better for you, he says) I forget the name of, and Biperiden to deal with the restless side effects of Abilify. Also some herbal supplements for anxiety.

 I was afraid to get on drugs again but found myself amazed at Abilify for the stability it brought me with minimal mental side effects (I had taken Depakene before and felt like a zombie).

As my husband and I are trying to conceive we've now weaned off the Abilify and Biperiden, and the plan is to eventually stop all drugs altogether except for the herbal supplements as they are safe during pregnancy.

So I am back on track to eventually treating this without meds but slightly afraid. I've become a bit moodier but am trying to control any ups and downs on my own. Still have a ways to go but I'm hoping I can do it. We're not certain yet whether I'll be able to wean off all although that is the ideal situation, but I am gonna try! I hope I can do it.