This is turning into a really depressing set of postings! One day soon I hope I can offer more advice on how I cured myself and made it through this tough time, but for now I keep turning here when I have nowhere else to turn...
For the last 48 hours I keep wishing I could hold a knife up to my arm, cut it ever so slightly, and watch the blood ooze out and feel the sting. It's the soothing pain I want most.
But I don't want to accidentally really hurt myself, or cause an infection, because I don't want to do anything too unsafe for the baby. Isn't this a sign that something is wrong with me though, feeling this way? I keep picturing that knife and how much of a relief it would be to just cut myself a little.. just a little. Don't want to kill myself or anything like that.
Oh how depressing am I! I hope things turn up soon.
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